My sister and I were never girls who got our hair done. The phrase alone “get your hair done” sounded so terminal and foreign. We didn’t grow up in a house where mom got her hair done. For a house full of girls, we weren’t girly girls. Dad, you should thank us for putting the reigns on the estropathogens you were exposed to.
It wasn’t until I was 28 that I actually made the effort to blow dry my hair. I cannot believe I’m admitting this on such a public platform. Until 28, I had always “air dried” my hair as if it was a pair of designer blue jeans, but not for preservation – it was for laziness. I never got highlights, never colored it. I did however, comb it. I’ve pretty much either worn a ponytail or wore it down. And those are pretty much the only two rides that my hair has ever experienced.
And then I turned 30. And my hair started to thin a little. Not noticeable to others, but to me. It was thin and silky. Silky is a misleading term which should be reserved for fabrics and even chocolate, but for hair, it means that you can’t fill out a ponytail holder. If I can’t fill out an ‘A’ cup, I’m okay with that. But, if any deity is listening at all up there, could you extend an olive branch here? I can’t make a poofy front thingy, and I can’t make a poofy back of the head thingy. I can’t structure my bangs such that they behave. I can’t hold any curls or waves in it. Ugh. Hair!!!!!
After a few years of trying to correct the fine and thin and silky hair, I have found the following mantra to be the road to a great hair day for people with hair like me. And I am completely 100% serious.
1. Wash your hair….don’t be disgusting, amee. You have got to wash that freakin’ hair. (Bridesmaids reference)
2. Don’t use conditioner. Conditioner sounds like it would do big favors for you, but it just creates more problems. Everyone has at least one friend like that so you know exactly what I’m talking about.
3. Towel dry your hair.
4. Add volumizing mousse to the roots and aaaaall of your hair.
5. Acquire the lowest quality hair dryer. The standard wall-mounted hotel hairdryer is best. I would buy one of those if I could.
6. Time to blow dry that hair. Yes, we are going to be a real girl today. Bend forward to touch your toes, until your head is upside down. You should basically be in a modified downward facing dog when doing this. Dry from root to tip using a round brush. By the way, we engineers would refer to this brush as a cylindrical brush, but not everyone can be as brilliant as us. When your hair is 80% dry, you can get out of the downward dog pose (by completing the full Sun Salutation, of course) For the remaining 20%, take the round brush and pull your long bangs or front hair straight up like an 80s mohawk is about to happen. Dry from the left and the right
7. Now your hair is dry and big and very Dallas. It looks really scary. It will look better though. Just keep looking in the mirror until you like it.
60 cherries (I hope you don’t hold a bag up at Kroger’s and count. Wait until you get home)
2 teaspoons of canola oil or coconut oil
1/2 cup rolled oats
1/4 cups sliced almonds
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 cup all purpose flour
zest of 1 orange
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter (1 stick) salted, cold and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1. Grease ramekins or larger baking dish with canola oil or coconut oil.
2. Pit cherries using a cherry pitter. Feel empowered and awesome but don’t wear white or anything new, just in case. Divide pitted cherries among ramekins or place all cherries in a larger baking dish.
3. In a food processor, combine all of the remaining ingredients except the butter. Pulse until the mixture resembles cornmeal or coarse crumbles. Then add the small cubes of butter into the food processor work bowl and pulse again until butter is evenly dispersed.
4. Sprinkle about a scant 1/4 cup of the oat mixture (‘oat mixture’ sounds less guilty than ‘butter and sugar mixture’) on top of the cherries in each ramekin. If making this in a large baking dish, you’ll need about a cup of the oat mixture. I like all of the cherries to be covered as much as possible so just eyeball it. You should probably have some of the oat mixture left over which you can store in an airtight container in the fridge for up to 10 days.
5. Bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes.