I’m at the end of my pregnancy, so I’ve got an idea. Why don’t I use my last hours of quiet, spontaneity, and independence to write a blog post? There are fun things to do, but why do THAT, when I can write about rabbit food?…and for FREE!?!?!?
So while I continue to research a method to painlessly teleport humans outside of the womb, I reflect on the last few months. I remember a lot of pregnancy commentary that I don’t quite understand. Like “you’re carrying so well!!!” What is carrying well? As if we have any control on how our body generates surface area in this particular region. So my usual response is “Thanks???” And then I go home and caress this belly with a gritty coat of “tummy butter”. Gross.
And then I hear “you’re going to be such a great mom!” This one really perplexes me. What is this based on? No wait, I wanna guess first… Is it my inability to multitask? Or is it my hatred for laundry? Or is it the fact that I have never kept a plant alive without the assistance of a sprinkler system? Is it that I’m so distracted in the kitchen by my Instagram, that I don’t notice that the onions are burning? Maybe it’s more about what I can do. Is it that I can read at a 4th grade level? 4th grade HONORS of course. Or is it my ability to push dinner remnants into a tiny corner on my plate, giving the illusion that I ate pretty much everything? Or is it my tendency to bump into furniture or bang my toes against baseboards because I haven’t polished my motor skills?
I do wish my belly was translucent for 9 months. As the mom, I should get front row seats for the Martial Arts performance in my uterus. I’m ready for this saga to end though. Fer realz. Because, OMIGOD I’m ready to put underwear on without assistance. I’m ready for regular bowel movements. I’m ready for accomplishing more than a daily shower. I’m ready to wear something other than my husband’s weird (but comfortable) basketball shorts. The shorts even have a teeny square pocket inside of the waistband and I asked him what that was for. It’s too small for a key, ID, or cash. My husband just stared at me. I said “seriously, what is this secret pocket for? A condom?” and he responded with his eyes half open, ”Yes, I’m going to shoot hoops with some buddies so I better bring a condom.”
Well, here I am at the end. Going into the hospital as a couple and leaving as a family. I get a lot of questions about what’s in store for the future of rabbit food rocks and by a lot I mean one question by one person who probably doesn’t even read my blog anyway but he’s just being cordial and making conversation while he waits for his lab mix puppy to take a dump. I’m not sure what’s up with rabbit food rocks. Maybe between diaper 6 and diaper 7, I might be able to puree some green peas and photograph it and call it pesto to keep your attention. I’m not making any promises because uh…have you seen me as a mom?
BUT, I know I’ll be back because I already spent money updating my website and on principle I can’t ignore that expense. So I’ll be back, but I don’t know how often. I will however have new gab material so I can excite you by talking incessantly about baby stuff. Yeah…subscribe you will.
So I’m taking a break…this is a planned break, (as opposed to my previous breaks which were just unannounced gaps of laziness) to focus on being a mom: to focus on multitasking, to maneuver a nursing pillow, to interpret 115 decibels of crying, to find a shorter route between left ear and right ear to channel redundant/unwanted advice, to find nice ways to say “back the _ off”, and to enjoy being completely governed by cuteness, squishy-ness, and itty bitty toes that I might snack on when no one is looking.
Stay with me, keep cooking, and update me on major current events in the form of a comment until I get back.
Collard Greens Summer Rolls with Mango and Mint
This recipe was inspired by something I saw on Instagram from “leslieconn” who was also inspired by someone else. I love trying recipes through an inspiration train like that. This recipe is gluten free and vegan and delicious. I don’t usually jump up for joy for collard greens but it’s so beautiful in this recipe and the mango is a must, as it compliments the greens and cuts the natural mild bitterness of collard greens.
4 collard green leaves, rinsed and stems trimmed to flatten
10-12 mint leaves
1/2 red bell pepper, cut into sticks
1/2 yellow bell pepper, cut into sticks
1/2 orange bell pepper, cut into sticks
1/2 of a ripe mango, peeled and cut into approx 1/2″ x 4″ pcs
1/2 English cucumber, cut into sticks
1 cup cooked rice vermicelli noodles
1. Arrange the leaves stacked on a large cutting board. You’ll want to make sure you trimmed enough of the stem to make these “roly” enough. Yeah, that’s a technical term. Who’s Pioneer Woman now? You just want to make sure the leaves retain their shape and don’t break after being rolled. You could probably boil the leaves for 30 seconds to a minute and let them cool, but I haven’t tried that because I did a stellar job of trimming.
2. Arrange the peppers, cucumber, mango, mint, and cilantro perpendicular (yeah i went there) to the stem and towards the stem side (as opposed to the leafy side).
3. Now gently roll the stem, packing the ingredients tightly as you roll towards the leafy side. Go slow so that the roll holds its shape. You can use toothpicks if needed to hold them together.
4. Cut each roll into thirds.
5. Serve with a sweet Asian peanut sauce!